Read time: 7 minutes

I don’t say this to be trite. I say it because through experience I have come full circle and know this to be true: beauty is written on your face. I have equally met people with mean faces, and when I dug, I found them to be mean people. 

My mum used to say, ‘Be careful of your face, if the wind changes, it will stick like it.’ The point she was trying to make (I believe) was don’t pull mean and grumpy faces, because one day it will be part of you – permanently.

A few years ago, I read a very interesting article, where a photographer captured people before and after a smile. His comparisons were more astounding than any photoshop-airbrush technique. He captured diverse, interesting, varied people; transformed into beauty with a smile. Wrinkles truly were laughter lines, and their eyes twinkled and danced. He managed to achieve these rapid transformations (in less than one second) by saying to them: ‘You know, you are beautiful when you smile.’ And it was true. 

A truly beautiful person has their beauty written into their face. Aging is frightening, our faces change and we can feel as though we no longer recognise who we are. The reality is our identity changes as we age and so do our faces. We can drug and cut ourselves to try and stem the tide of time. It can help, but it misses the point. This is merely a fabricated beauty for all the moments in between; when emotion isn’t passing through you, isn’t written on your face, and you aren’t interacting intently with a fellow human. 

It is in interactions with another human, through rapport, that your expressions and the reflections of your companion have meaning. Reciprocal emotions create meaning, and emotional meaning is not only something we hunger for, but I would also go as far as to say, we are starving for it, because emotion is very essence of living and feeling alive. To freeze away a smile from the eyes (a Duchenne smile: one with meaning) seems to deny us our very essence of the ability to have a pure emotional connection and reciprocation with another person. 

The other interesting part is that through rapport with our fellow humans (particularly the ones we connect with regularly and deeply) we start to look like the people we most connect with. Couples that are deeply in sync start to “look alike”. Hogwash you tell me. True I retort. The reason is rapport. The ability to mirror and emotionally connect with a fellow human means that we copy the same facial expressions as part of this process. We build the same facial muscles. Our faces start to change and look alike. Two really do start to become one. 

The final secret I have come to learn, is that male energies are captivated by smiles and eyes in female energy companions. Studies and surveys have examined this phenomenon to death. Close seconds in attractiveness are healthy hair and skirt length (no comment!). You cannot truly smile unless you include the eyes (Duchenne) and by smiling you say, ‘I accept you and welcome you, just as you are.’ To a male energy that is striving for acceptance in all their achievements, there is nothing more attractive than to be happily, openly, accepted. To them you become beautiful beyond time and ageing.  

I once had the pleasure of being stuck in the lift with a very ordinary looking, blonde-haired lady in her mid-forties. For thirty seconds I stood in the sunshine. I cannot explain it other than it was the most exquisite experience, and I wished I could have a daily dose of her to reset my biochemistry. Who cared that she didn’t wear makeup, it made no difference to the sunshine of her beautiful soul. I was attracted and captivated by her, and secretly I wished I could be just like her.

It reminds me of my favourite quote from Jane Eyre: 

“Oh, you are indeed there, my skylark! Come to me. You are not gone: not vanished? I heard one of your kind an hour ago, singing high over the wood: but its song had no music for me, any more than the rising sun had rays. All the melody on earth is concentrated in my Jane’s tongue to my ear (I am glad it is not naturally a silent one): all the sunshine I can feel is in her presence.”  Mr Rochester from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. 

I must admit, this quote makes me cry. Every time. Mr Rochester emotionally longs for the sunshine of her presence. To him, plain Jane is the most beautiful, exquisite creature to draw breath. Oh, and he is now blind, so he cannot see her. 

My summary is this. Smile and know that you are beautiful. Let the joy of your soul shine out. Others will see it written into your face and feel it in your presence, deepening its welcome as the years pass. I cannot deny I love my make-up, and please do continue your Botox. But of this I am certain: smile, because you are beautiful just the way you are. 

Have you read? 

The Colour of Attraction

The Dating Dance

Nice Guys vs Bad Guys

© Harriet Loveday Romance 2023