Read time: 5 minutes

We’re still not there yet, are we? We still don’t see equality in the workplace. I believe that some countries are nearly there, but the majority aren't, and it's still quite painful. There seems to be confusion over sex and romance, in a setting of industrious work, focus and achievement. The other issue appears to be that men still want to control women, and I believe this control is because men are afraid of women.

I fully believe that most men are terrified of women. A certain percentage of men, let's say twenty percent as a guesstimate, are bad men; almost certainly they have Cluster B personality disorders and not only do they subjugate women, they'll happily subjugate any group that they can get away with (this includes skin colour and religion). These are just bad guys. It is my true belief, that when you see control, including misogynistic control, you're dealing with a Cluster B personality disorder.

I think most other men (the remaining eighty percent) are terrified of women because they hold a power that men don't understand and can't access. No matter how hard a man works, a woman, with a dismissive glance and a turn of her back, reduces his success to dust on the ground. She is able to judge him absolutely. She is able to assess if he is the best hunter in the village, if he carries the fittest genes, if he is able to contribute something that's worthwhile to society. She is much scarier than a sabre-toothed tiger.

The other way in which women terrify men, is that good men have soft hearts, and when they fall in love they fall in love deeply. A woman lightly holds a man's heart in her hands. He is vulnerable, and if she chooses to walk away from him, he is crushed and broken. Some men do not recover from heartbreak, this is well documented in the takosubo cardiomyopathy, or broken heart syndrome.

So, what's going on in the workplace? The problem is that men in the workplace see women in the workplace as sexual partners. Some men have evolved enough to see women as equal and valuable contributors, but even these men have a hard time understanding the value that women bring to the workplace. 

Men judge women by men's standards: Is she courageous? Was she aggressive in closing the deal? Did she “get the job done” his way? This misses the point. Women bring something as equally valuable as men to the workplace, but it is different. It is something that isn't understood or prized by men. 

Women bring community, teamwork, listening to the person who didn't speak in the meeting, and fostering a harmonious environment rather than an aggressive, competitive one. Men may judge these attributes as woolly, but in fact, women are behind successful companies (see the book Womeconomics). The more women that are on a company board, the less likely the company is to undertake risky ventures and fail. A high percentage of women in the workplace has been shown to produce a steady thriving company, not one that's buffeted by the economic headwinds; with high risk-taking decisions. Yes, he may win, but it's very likely he will lose.

In summary, men have an issue with women in the workplace because they're scared of them; they don't understand the skills that women bring; and they haven't got beyond seeing women as sexual conquests. Until men have got beyond these issues, it is very difficult for women to progress, unless they become like a man; a ball buster. And why should we have to change? It is only when we value the attributes of women as equal to men, that the workplace will be for work and sex will be for the bedroom.

HL x

From the book: Thirty Relationship Conversations by Harriet Loveday. 

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