Read time: 6 minutes

There is a strange concept circulating that bad men are desirable. I strongly suspect that this has come from these afore mentioned bad men, who like to use women like a piece of meat (yes you are thinking what I’m thinking) and unfortunately seem completely unabashed to shout their opinions through the nearest megaphone (social media) which seems to be permanently attached to their mucky paws (phone addictions). 

I say – what?!

I say no thank you. Bad guys aren’t fun, they aren’t sexy and they aren’t desirable. They’re mean, cruel, play games, don’t care for your feelings, or even listening to you most of the time. A very often you will get hurt. Then they’ll quickly move on to their next victim to maintain their sense of significance and power. You won’t tame the bad guy. You’ll just feel pain and waste precious years. 

Reset. 

A nice guy is not a push over as purported by the covetous bad guy; who wishes he was like the nice guy, and may even try to emulate him for a while. The nice guy will protect you, but he isn’t to be found punching anything that moves or disagrees with him, every Saturday night, outside the pub. Rather the nice guy takes himself, his life choices and his choice of partner seriously. And you can very quickly scare these nice guys away. Because just as you don’t want a guy that physically hits you and keeps a harem; a nice guy doesn’t want a woman that’s promiscuous. The easiest way for him to judge promiscuity is your appearance, including the way you dress. 

What does the nice guy look like and how does he behave? The first place to look (and absolute must) is a minimal amount of personal hygiene (as well as cleaning his lair/bachelor pad). Long hair is fine, as long as he washes it. He will make a reasonable attempt to wash himself, vacuum his pad, and iron his work clothes. He will make sure he showers regularly when he is dating you (if he cares he will wash so as not to turn you off). When engaging with you he will also watch his language, make an effort to listen to you, try not to walk too quickly and ask you where you want to go and how you are feeling. 

More than these obvious superficial tells, a nice guy will do some things that are much deeper:

A nice guy will want you to feel safe. He mate-guards you (holds your hand and drives a path through the crowds). He will stand the traffic side of the pavement, and position himself carefully between you and boisterous pub crowds. He will make sure you get home safely, which will almost certainly involve walking you to your front door (not with the intent of inviting himself in). He will text you to check you are safe (not a bed-check text to see if you are cheating, like the bad guy is and does). The greatest compliment you can give him is, ‘I feel safe with you.’ as he protectively has his arm around the back of your waist. Not over your bottom: sexual, or over your shoulders: possession. 

A nice guy will try not to look at your boobs and bum, but will keep himself focused on your eyes and smile as much as he can. He will be horrified if you catch him looking, why? He is evolved enough to know that he has a reflex reaction to respond to your body, he knows his base desires respond to the physical, and he knows that he could satiate that thirst with most naked girls. Bear in mind men find over 50% of the female population attractive, unlike women where the percentage sits nearer 10%. If he is just wanting to tickle and itch, half the female population will do. He is aware of his base desires and he is making an evolved effort to move above that. He wants to connect emotionally with your eyes and your smile. 

Finally, he will make a huge effort to listen to you. He is looking for compatibility, not just satisfying his thirst. He knows that for the long term, a woman who can hold his attention and a conversation is a valuable find. He is also listening for feeling cues from you, for him to respond to. Such as: ‘I feel cold.’ He’ll give you his coat. ‘I feel scared.’ He’ll remove you from the situation. ‘I feel happy.’ He will smile inside (and maybe out). 

A nice guy is a rare and precious find. Don’t chase him. Let him discover you. Then, and only then, you may have something truly special. 

Have you read?

The Secret to Beauty

The Colour of Attraction

The Dating Dance

© Harriet Loveday Romance 2023